23rd Sunday of Ordinary Time (Mt. 18: 15-20)
No one enjoys conflict. We have various ways of avoiding it. We have ways of trying to control it. Such tactics can stay in place over the course of a lifetime.
We might think back to when we were children in school. We all remember classmates that we called “tattle tales.” What did that mean? Usually, the tattle tale was a child that would be mad about some perceived slight. Rather than confront a classmate; they would go to the teacher, the higher authority, wanting a remedy.
Many times, the argument could have been worked out between classmates. In our modern world, the opportunity for children to solve problems among themselves has decreased. In our society, in some schools there are even elaborate rules for the playground, for example. Games like tag and dodge are outlawed at times because if played there might be arguments and hurt feelings. Every activity must have adult supervision to protect children from being mean to each other. Playground equipment must only be so far off the ground. Certain pieces of equipment, like swing sets, are forbidden. We don’t want any bumps or scrapes at all. We especially don’t want to risk bruised feelings. An important lesson isn’t learned, which is, that at times painful confrontation can lead to growth as well as a healthy change in a relationship.
When the writer of the Gospel of Matthew lived, thirty or forty years of church life had taken place since Jesus left the earth. And the members of the early church fought about a lot of things. The meaning behind the sacraments was debated. Points of theology were disputed like the fundamental question of whether Jesus was divine or not. And there were arguments about who should be in charge.
In the Gospel, we often read about the apostles coming to Jesus asking for his intervention. Who can forget the scene in Luke 9:42 when the apostles of Jesus came to Jesus complaining that there were people casting out demons in the name of Jesus without his knowledge? “Stop them Lord,” the Apostles demand. Jesus refused to act. He said that if they are doing good in my name without authorization, what is the problem? Jesus takes a wait and see approach.
In today’s gospel we hear about Jesus’ methodology for solving conflict in the church. The first step in the process of settling an argument is for the individuals in conflict to talk to one another. In our culture, the first step would probably be that we would send a text message. We might write an email. We might put something on Facebook that would be critical. A worst-case scenario would be that we would phone someone. But we find that this type of interaction seldom leads to mending a quarrel. There is something about being physically present to discuss something that is more effective than any other type of interaction. Unfortunately, we have been trained by our modern world to avoid such interactions at all costs. Three virtues are needed for personal discussions: courage, fortitude, and charity. The last virtue is all important.
Bishop Robert Morneau once observed something about disagreements in the Church. He said that there are injustices in the Church. The unfairness needs correction but there is an attitude missing in ecclesial correction. He said, “We have a lot of confrontations in the Church, but we don’t have a lot of confrontations that are guided by love.”
We need some basic skills in any negotiation between disputing parties. One thing we need is to be able to listen. What we notice is that when the Holy Spirit enters the listening style, it becomes deeper and more inclusive. We might need mediation. When the Holy Spirit guides mediation, the skills become more respectful. We need negotiation. When the Holy Spirit influences negotiation, then negotiations become more direct but without anger. When the Spirit guides a skill needed to solve a conflict, the message to all is that our aim isn’t winning or losing, but it is reconciliation.
Jesus models how we should handle conflict. Paul gives us the key to living in Church community. “Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another, for love is the fulfillment of the law.” If love guides our relationships, we are opening ourselves to a different way of being. We are open to approaching arguments the way Jesus did.